The Bachelorette – Emily – Episode One!! (280)


they’re baaaack!!!!

First – Chris Harrison – I missed you, baby! So cute. Come help me find “true love.” Hang out in my living room with drinks and ask me questions about my feelings.

I can’t really decide if I like “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” seasons better. Obviously the eye candy is more prevalent when it’s 25 guys…but then I miss commenting on the hair, makeup, and dress choices of the women. Women are a lot more catty and backstabbing, the guys always turn into a little brotherhood and provide such great insight into the mind of a man. It’s a toss up.

Emily Maynard - Real life Southern Barbie. She’s 26. Been engaged twice. She’s putting on her “big girl panties” and becoming the Bachelorette so that 25 men can claw their way into her life. She wants a father figure for her daughter who is cute as a button, and her daughter was important enough that she persuaded the producers to film the first few weeks in her hometown, so she didn’t have to leave Ricky. Who I keep wanting to call “Ricky Bobby.” Curse you, Talledega Nights!

Here are my abbreve’d thoughts on tonight’s episode…

Pre-intro Bios

  • Kalon- Self-proclaimed modern Southern gentleman. He’s easy enough on the eyes, but later, he enters on a helicopter? Oh h to the no. Guys are gonna hate him. Is he this season’s Courtney?

    this guy!

  • Ryan – EASY on the eyes. Former pro-athlete and works with kids? Has a dog?! Sign. Me. UP.
  • Tony – Oregon lumberjack. Single dad. Super cute. Did the “what has two thumbs” joke…so…I like him.
  • David – NYC singer/songwriter. Hello, Wes. I’ve seen this before. Wailing Emily’s name over some minor chords is not really attractive.
  • Charlie – Accident guy. Brain injury?! Yikes. What a story! Cute lil dog. Always points for a dog.
  • Arie – Race car driver…might be too close to Emily’s first husband, who was on his way to a race and died in an airplane crash.

an egg? really?

Limo introductions

  • The boys were clearly nervous as all get-up meeting Emily…she’s so cute and tiny. Did anyone else notice that between her interview with Chris and when they did the limo intros that someone had fixed her hair and put a ton more eye make up on her?
  • Travis “Eggman” - “throughout this journey, I will take care of this egg like I would take care of you and Ricky.” Um, is this Home Ec? Are we doing some reverse psychology birth control or something? WEIRD.
  • Single dads dropping the kids reference so they have a talking point. Smart.
  • Jackson – you will now be known as CHEESY QUOTE GUY. He gets down on one knee and tries to spit game with that “life isn’t about breathing in moments” or whatever quote? Junior high girls say quotes like that. Grown men shouldn’t.
  • Joe – Field Energy Advisor – now known as the YELLER and the one who danced a jig.
  • Token Christian guy – praying to God Emily loves him. Cute. A little too strong, but cute.
  • Token foreign guy who speaks another language – two this time!
  • Token black guy, Lerone. I thought he was yummy.

    i like the long hair :)

  • Token weird entrance guy – Jef with one F. On a skateboard. This is the one who said “I like to be underestimated, I’m a CEO of my own charity water bottle company, I think i’m awesome with this weird hair, etc. etc.”
  • Boombbox Dance Guy – Stevie. Nope.
  • Tony, aka Glass Slipper Guy – Nope. Fairy tales are cute coming from girls….not from guys.
  • Grandma Guy – Randy. Um. That was weird. I appreciate the throw-back to last season, when Brittany’s grandma came on to convince Ben to let her granddaughter stay, but….that was too much.
  • John “Wolf” – you are haaaandsome. And do you know how I feel about nicknames? Really good. REALLY good.
  • Long hair guy…Music Mike from Austin – you are a whole pile of yum. LOVED the guitar pick touch, obvy.
  • Ryan – we already met him in the pre-intro bios, and I have good feelings about him. Pink tie is great. His note was cute. SO cute. She liked him, too. Money is on him.

Cocktail Party

  • BOBBLE HEADS?! That’s a first. Maybe he’s a baseball fan? Hm. Good thing she’s used to playing with Barbies.
  • Race car driver guy came clean at this time. That was good of him to come clean the first night, when it could have really been a deal breaker for him.
  • First Impression Rose – Doug the Single Dad – his letter from his son sealed the deal. Cute.

Will I like you, or will I be annoyed?

Emily became less annoying to me as the show went on. She showed a little bit of a funny side, commenting on how hot the guys were, how nervous she was, and just got a little more real. So hopefully I won’t be totally annoyed with her uber-cuteness this season. The guys are already being pretty competitive and trash-talking each other, which is predictable but fun to watch.

Preview of the season
These always make each season look so promising! Despite her daughter’s involvement in the show, it looks like our sweet Emily will be making out in many different locations around Europe. I look forward to her clothes, her cute kid, and watching men be adorable.
I’m betting on the Ryan guy and the Arie guy. Next week, let’s make more official bets! I will definitely have a Bachelorette Bingo card ready for the next episode. Tonight I was thrown off by a delicious stop at a frozen yogurt place. You know how that goes.
Viva la romance!
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One thought on “The Bachelorette – Emily – Episode One!! (280)

  1. Pingback: 283: Bachelorette Recap – Or, the season I stopped caring. | young, single, (un)professional.

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