For a boy. A Series. Part One.

me in college. ah, the good old days.

His name was Aaron. Something about the way that he debated with our Global Studies 101 professor made me all twitter pated. Later that week, biking out to Sandspit Beach, I pedaled past him and a friend. He was as cute as I remembered, and this time, shirtless. My 19 year old heart skipped a beat when he sat next to me in class the next day. I was a proctor for the Disabled Students Association, so I took meticulous notes during every class, with my name on top. He leaned over and doodled on my paper and spoke to me after class and made me laugh.

I stopped wearing sweatpants and began wearing makeup to that early morning lecture. I started a “date Aaron” campaign by employing all the “tricks” we females sometimes do…coming a little early to class to buy a coffee and wait outside “checking our phones” like we are important. Hair-flips and pencil tricks we “learned” from Cher on Clueless. Casually stretching so I could turn and make sure he was looking at me. I made sure there were always empty seats next to me so he could sidle in and make me nervous giggle. Oh, I cringe to remember it all now.

This was back in the day when only people with a University email address could be on facebook, and we put ALL our information on there – past and present addresses, phone numbers, pictures of last night’s kegstands. I scoured the UCSB directories online, figured out his last name, Facebook stalked him, found his AIM screenname, and checked his profile.

He had a “blog.”

I did not know what this “blog” contraption this was. It was on xanga, the relic of the blogging world.

I read some of what he wrote. He also wrote for our school paper and was pretty talented. I laughed out loud, I looked at pictures of his family, memorized his address.

And I thought, “I like writing. I can be funny. If I get a blog, this is something we can talk about.”

So I did. In 2005, I wrote my first blog entry about a day at the beach. I had gone to feel properly sorry for myself. As I have learned from movies, in order to feel truly sorry for yourself, you should be looking out the window while it’s raining, or flopped on your bed. Well, at this point I lived in a triple on the top bunk, and it barely rained in Santa Barbara (if it did, we skipped class and played drinking games). So I went to the beach, where I might gaze upon the waves and contemplate my relative smallness.

As I was pouting, a man with only one arm and one ginormous belly pouring out of his open Hawaiian shirt walked by me, whistling.

I went home and stopped feeling sorry for myself. Because I had two arms, and I could type this new blog thing. I sent Aaron a message. He wrote back. We met up at a club in downtown SB which no longer exists. We danced all night and kissed all night and I thought he would be the love of my life.

As far as college romances go, this one was mostly amazing in that it was something that I dreamed of for a long time, plotted with my friends, imagined our whole lives together (well, mostly how we would date during college and I would be his muse and he would be in my profile picture). And we hung out a few times. Then it was over.

But I have been blogging ever since.

This is the 401st blog post I have written on this site. Blogging has taken me through college, my first real job, around Europe and Central America, through unemployment, and been my challenge and salvation in four years of teaching. It brought me to the front page of the Huffington Post. It gave me a radio interview in Canada (I freaking love saying that) and connected me to so many different people. I have logged and loved my life. Written things I could not say out loud. Realized feelings because I could write them here.

I googled that boy tonight. He lives in LA and dates a girl with a mohawk and does marketing. He hasn’t posted a written blog since February 2012.

We didn’t part on great terms, but I owe him a thank you. If I had never found blog…I would have so many words and feelings and moments lost. I heart blog. So thank you, Aaron. I thank you.

Related articles

• Blogging and Writer’s Insecurity (kiralynblue.com)
• 5 Things You Might Know About UCSB….and 5 Things You Might Not! (kamiconsulting.wordpress.com)
• My first day of blogging (aniketpandey31blog.wordpress.com)

BookReview: A Year of Biblical Womanhood – an Unexpected LOL.

My boyfriend went to Canada a few weeks ago, and told me over the phone he had bought me a present that he couldn’t wait to give to me upon his return. I have visions of cute little maple-leaf things, weird Canadian chips (I love international chips!), or some Mountie Christmas ornament. I am very easy to please when it comes to gifts.

But instead, he told me that he had knew I loved God, and blogs, and sarcasm, and so he had bought me a book that combined all three. And the author’s name was Rachel. Brilliant.

A Year of Biblical Womanhood.

This woman, Rachel Held Evans, who might just be my long-lost twin, embarks on a year-long journey that explores every single thing the Bible says about women. She is mostly doing this to procrastinate against the childbearing her well-intentioned Christian friends think it’s time she get down to business about. And because her mother thought it was a crazy idea. I resonate SO much with that! haha.

She compiles a list of all the sometimes lovely and sometimes strange commands the Bible has about women, divides them by theme and attempts a certain group of them each month. Things like:

• calling her husband “master”
• rising before dawn and working well into the night
• investing in real estate
• observing specific holidays
• praise her husband at the city gate
• care for widows and orphans
• long periods of silence
• considering herself “unclean” while menstruating…ie sleeping in a tent outside her home while on her period
• spending time on the roof in reflection over sins she commits
• not cutting her hair, as it is her jewel
• covering her head during prayer
• making all food from scratch
• and much, much more.

A Quiverfull family

She connects with randoms on her blog, rabbis, Benedictine monks, the Amish, Quiverfull families, sisterwives, etc., to learn more about how they feel they follow what’s outlined as “Biblical Womanhood.” She retells the stories of the women in the Bible, who are often nameless, who are often overlooked and forgotten in our whole church bible studies, relegated to “Women’s Retreat material,” and helps us to see how radical Jesus was, not just for including women in the religious dialogue for the first time, but for raising their status in a time and place and culture where they were separated at the temple, uneducated, property of men, nameless in most documents, and considered unreliable witnesses.

Did you know that the first person to whom Jesus reveals he is the Messiah is a woman? Remember how the first people to see him after he rose from the dead were women? How he allowed women to sit at his feet and learn from the ultimate rabbi, even when dinner was not yet prepared? How he healed so many women from diseases that had kept them from society and normal lives? How he called the Christians to care for the widows, who in many cases were cast in the streets, forced into prostitution to survive, left forgotten to die?

I have never heard a sermon about any of these things. All my sermons have been from men. It’s not their fault I’ve never heard it, but it is wild to me that as a 29 year old, educated, lifelong Christian, this was a complete revelation to me.

The way that Christianity changed the treatment of and attitude towards women beginning in the 1st century is staggering, but because we read the Bible through the lens of the 20th+ century, it sounds sexist and oppressive, and we don’t look at the verses within the historical context and cultural context in which they were written. We try to interpret the Word of God literally, black and white, legalizing the words that Paul was writing in a personal letter, and pick and choose which verses to make the law.

I love this guy.

I laughed out loud more than I have at a book in a long time. I teared up. I learned. And I thought deeply about what it means to truly be a woman in the church we have today. I marveled at the women of the Bible in a completely new way.

I really resonated with what seemed to be her overall lesson in her experience – as Christians, we can’t get bogged down in these details of interpretations of things. We have to just run after Jesus. She admitted that she had looked down upon people who interpreted parts of the Bible in different ways than she did. As Christians, we often take this to a far, far extreme, and we alienate not only each other, but everyone on the outside looking in. We look like angry, hypocritical, unloving people no one is going to be interested in getting to know.

Anyway. Go read it. You can actually head to her blog, sign up for an email subscription, and receive a free electronic download of the first bit of the book. Love it or hate it, I guarantee you won’t be able to put it down.

http://rachelheldevans.com/biblical-womanhood

Related articles

• A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans (wordlily.com)
• My top 10 favorite blog posts from Rachel Held Evans (magnoliasandmanischewitz.wordpress.com)
• Evangelicals Embracing Doubt and Changing Culture (juicyecumenism.com)
• A Book Review (ponderingpastorswife.wordpress.com)
• I Am A Biblical Woman (identityrenewed.wordpress.com)
• David Platt’s Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (peacefulwife.com)
• When “Biblical” won’t do. (theartofuncertainty.wordpress.com)
• Hey John Piper, Is My Femininity Showing? (christianitytoday.com)
• Recommended Booklist for Christian Women (exaltingholiness.wordpress.com)
• 5 Important Things That Teens Need To Hear From Parents, Student Leaders & Student Disciplers (centerpointstudents.wordpress.com)

My Rules for Life.

:)

Rule number 1: When a friend gets engaged, congratulate them, buy yourself flowers and wine. Salute to love.

Rule number 2: Pick a color that is your favorite color. It’s kind of like your spirit animal. Mine is yellow. Always wear it somehow.

Rule number 3: Periodically clean out your closets and dressers and drawers. If you’re anything like me, you’re quite forgetful, and cleaning things out is your own personal Christmas. Items you’ve completely forgotten about are waiting to surprise you. “Look at this sweater! This is adorable!” “I’ve been needing a new box of crayons! YES!” Donate anything you haven’t used in a year. Throw out things per their expiration date. Fold clothes. Make sure your shoes all have a mate.

Rule number 4: Make your bed every day you can. Everything looks better when your bed is made.

still sad i don’t really know how to play this….

Rule number 5: Always clean your house before going on vacation. That was my mom’s rule and it’s just so nice to come home to a clean house.

Rule number 6: Learn an instrument. Preferably something portable.

Rule number 7: Play team sports.

Rule number 8: When I was in high school, I really wanted tattoos all the time. Lots of different ones. But when I turned 18, in a rare flash of brilliance, I made a promise to myself that if I really wanted a tattoo, I had to choose a design and a location and want it for exactly one year before I would allow myself to get one. I never went through with it. Same with piercings. My body is a beautiful ink-free canvas, and my belly button piercing is where my magic comes from.

Rule number 9: Manners matter. Please thank you hold open doors you’re welcome eye contact nice to meet you. Tip. Use the information on a nametag. Never meet a stranger. Leave no trace in nature. Everything better than how you found it.

Rule number 10: Have several theme songs memorized for your life.

aw, the old days at the cafe.

Rule number 11: Work a retail job, restaurant job, and something with kids at least once in your life.

Rule number 12: Read real books made of paper that smell like old and have dog-earred pages and wake up with them on the pillow next to you, your fingers still clutching the last paragraph you read.

Rule number 13: Take time to remember. Pictures on your phone, a journal, a blog, even something like twitter or Facebook. Document the things that matter. (Your new eyeshadow, what you made for dinner, your cat, the sunset…whatever matters to you.)

Rule number 14: Travel.

Rule number 15: Live with roommates.

Rule number 16: Always give something to charity.

Rule number 17: Learn a foreign language.

Rule number 18: Know how to start a fire.

Rule number 19: Spend time in nature every week.

Rule number 20: Run.

Rule number 21: Wine.

Rule number 22:  Do things you know will make your mom happy even if they annoy you. :)

Rule number 23: Write thank-you notes.

my homemade bucha!!!

Rule number 24: Make something by hand you can call your own. Be it a garden, writing music, poetry, brewing beer or kombucha, a talent with underwater basket-weaving. Produce something.

Rule number 25: Know how to cook a full breakfast and dinner and do your own laundry before you’re 18.

Rule number 26:  Don’t live together before you’re married. For me and my boyfriend, I’m excited to look forward to this complete unknown together, something I can promise I’ve never done with any other man, and we can build our lives together without any preconceived notions of how it will go, what will and won’t work. Such a adventure to look forward to.

Rule number 27: Talk to old people. Ask for stories.

Rule number 28: Hug. High five. Show physical affection. Smile. Laugh. Express yourself.

Rule number 29: It doesn’t matter how much it costs as long as you’re having fun. :)

Related articles

• Being A Tattooed & Pierced Mom In A Suburban Neighborhood (therockabillybutterfly.wordpress.com)
• Are Belly Button Rings Making a Comeback? (fashionista.com)
• A New Generation of Terrible Parents. (mga918.wordpress.com)
• Tummy Jewels (shesjustpleasantlyplump.com)
• Maybe Someday (theurbancanvas.wordpress.com)
• The 6 Rules You Must know BEFORE buying a Man any Gift (nafriniselect.com)
• What and Why (memyselfandtherules.wordpress.com)
• Live has to be lived thats’s all there is to it. (jglaudin.wordpress.com)
• Do You Have a Favorite Color? (virginialinda.wordpress.com)
• Mission CUAO (rulescoach.wordpress.com)

Imperfection

Imperfections — in things, in people, in places — add character to life. Tell us about an imperfection that you cherish.

• I have an obsession with speech impediments. I am attracted to the “normal things” like Channing Tatum, manners, good teeth, British accents, chiseled features, dark-tall-and-handsome. But something about a good stutter gets me so excited. A nice stammer? Yes, please! King’s Speech was like the greatest two hour segment of my life.
• I LOVE large birth marks. Like big ones on your face, discolored, especially patchy white ones. I also like burn scars. Writing this down, I realize this might sound weird, but I am being honest. I am really attracted to disfigured speech and disfigured faces. I think to cherish it, as the prompt suggests…I’m interested in the story – the real story behind the burn or the one we make up about the birth mark. I want to touch, to love, to be sensitive to them. Love.
• Freckles. Oh, I love freckles.They say “A girl without freckles is like a night without stars.” Therefore, I am a mostly starless night. Anne of Green Gables always tried to bleach hers away, but I’ve always thought they were so beautiful. My own skin just turns brown, thanks to some Hawaiian blood. But most of my family’s skin is covered in these little, adorable, too-many-to-count freckles. I’ve been so jealous of them, one year my family bought me a special makeup pencil to create freckles on my face.

• In Christmas Trees – the more lop-sided and off-kilter, the better.
• In cookies of any kind – I like all imperfections, because that means I can eat them to even out and pretty out the bunch, and not feel guilty.
• In an order of french fries from Jack in the Box – I love that one curly fry that sneaks in, “ruining” the french fries, but it’s like this totally awesome BONUS fry from the curly ones you really wanted to have.

In myself, this took more thought, but….I’m chubby. Always have been. I can’t remember any moment in my life when I wasn’t dieting, exercising, worried about what I looked like. There have been dark moments with drastic measures – I can remember punching my stomach and thighs repeatedly in fits of rage until they bruised, or holding scissors against my fat rolls until I bled, and worse.

Feeling like I was not the “right size” causes pain in my life. But at times, it also does me a favor.

try and not love how awesome this girl is.

I feel safer, because I’m not the sexy girl anyone is trying to make eyes at. When I was traveling, I was the chubby funny translator for my hot girlfriends the boys wanted to make it with. Being chubby has made me quick-witted, because I deal with a lot of teasing. It has made me sensitive towards others. It gets me outdoors, hiking, walking and active, and so I see beautiful things. People trust chubby people. People want to hug chubby people, to be friends with chubby people, and cook with them, and party with them, and tell them secrets.

It’s kind of okay to be the shape I am. It’s actually totally okay. I’m healthy and I work hard and I play hard; I feel good and that’s what’s most important. And I think my boyfriend’s very appreciative looks and comments have been very helpful in erasing every negative comment I’ve ever heard or told myself. (Boys – take note. Nothing lights up a woman like being told she’s beautiful.)

:)

My curse is my blessing is a part of me that has taught me so much, and I will cherish the “me” it makes me.
The imperfections we ignore or wish away at or waste energy on hating lose the lesson that God intended for us.

The best imperfections are made perfect when we learn from them.

So. Learn.

Related articles

• Daily Prompt ~ Imperfection (opheliadreamsinwatercolour.wordpress.com)
• Freckles and Scars – eight. (abigailbaross.wordpress.com)
• Daily Prompt: Imperfections (ctonight.wordpress.com)
• NaPoWriMo Day 9: The Freckle-Faced Girl (ruqaiyahdavids.wordpress.com)
• Imperfection (trishadm.wordpress.com)
• My love/hate relationship with my hyper-pigmentation (hotmessmindy.wordpress.com)
• Friday Feist :: Freckle faces. (fibrofeist.com)
• Daily Prompt: Imperfection (lumar1298yahoo.com)
• Daily Prompt: Imperfection (thebloggingpath.com)
• Daily Prompt: Imperfection (layedbacklife.wordpress.com)

Weddings are getting very Pindictable.

Disclaimer: I am not engaged, I am not fishing for a proposal from my boyfriend, I am not in a rush to get married. But. I am a girl. And we love weddings.

I am free-falling fallen into the abyss that is Pinterest. As described perfectly in many someecards, it is a place we can go to feel hope that if we just see enough pictures, we will get in shape, paint beautiful nails every day, bake perfect cupcakes, make homemade crafts at every occasion, and host terrific parties. As a teacher, I pinterest my heart out thinking “oh now my room will be organized! All my children regularly assessed and progress tracked with ease! Everything color coded! New vocab games daily!”

Of course, the reality of my life is that I never stick with a work out long enough to see any progress, I bite my nails, I eat so much cake batter I never end up with a dozen cupcakes, and my classroom management policy is more like “nobody died, everyone heard about Jesus…great day.”

It is true that every little girl dreams of her wedding day…I can totally remember thinking about my wedding; dancing and making toasts and being the most beautiful girl in the room. While this is dangerous to admit out loud while in a serious relationship (I can already imagine my boyfriend’s palms beginning to sweat as he reads this), I recently (and sheepishly) began a “secret” Pinterest “Wedding” board. (Ah, you crafty social media people! How well you know me! I love secrets!)

And sometimes, late at night, after a happy hour or two, I find myself mindlessly scanning page after page, pinning, “liking,” watching the music videos people make of their weddings and crying over the happiness of strangers. (click here to lose HOURS OF YOUR LIFE TO LOVE.)

At first, I felt so inspired! Look at all these great ideas! How unique! How special and memorable my wedding will be!

gorgeous

But lately I’ve realized that these are all starting the look exactly the same. There’s almost like a formula for them.

1. Select outdoor location with stringed white lights everywhere. Places with brick, barns, oceans, are preferred.
2. Have some sort of new take on buffets – donuts, candy in glass jars, popcorn, ice cream sandwiches.
3. Bridesmaids MUST be in cowgirl boots. Groomsmen should wear chucks.
4. PHOTO BOOTH. MUSTACHES.
5. Bride and Groom must write each other adorable letter to accompany expensive gift (jewelry for her, watch or “man cave” things for him). Letter to be read aloud with respective wedding party as you get ready.
6. Write your own vows. Use words like “biggest cheerleader” “be a better man” “never knew I could love like this” “marry my best friend.”
7. MASON JARS. Mason jars EVERYWHERE.
   

   everyone and the boots these days!

   

   adorbs. i’ll never drink it. too cute.

8. Work in a fiddle, mandolin, or friends wearing hats and oversized glasses playing guitar.
9. Have cool things on wooden or chalkboard signs, like “Grub,” “Whiskey Bar,” “Cigars,” “Games.”
10. Employ as many precocious children as possible, preferably with flowers in their hair, or a sign that says “Here Comes the Bride” in their grubby little hands.
11. Pass out favors so ridiculously adorable that no one will want to eat them.
12. SPARKLERS OR ELSE IT WASN’T REAL.

Now, I love looking at all the pictures. Pinterest is like getting a new magazine in the mail every time I open up the internet. I can’t stop looking at all the pretty. But everything gets so cute and tiny and colorful and special and unique and personal….after a couple of hours none of it looks very special at all. But I do hope that all the Wedding DIY stuff and Etsy bits will help brides on a budget plan the day of their dreams.

And when that day comes for me…I think I’ll just look at Pinterest and select a few solid traditional ideas to mix in with just enough personal detail to be unique but not annoying, throw it in mason jars wrapped in burlap, and get hitched in happiness forever.

Related articles

• Top Ten Awesome Things About Weddings (sunglassesalwaysfit.wordpress.com)
• My Pinterest Inspired Wedding (inspiremehappy.com)
• How Pinterest powers Charlotte’s wedding industry (miamiherald.com)
• We Love Wedding Wednesday – Cost of Being in a Bridal Party (intouchsocialevents.wordpress.com)
• Brides Use Pinterest to Call Dibs on Wedding Ideas (socialtimes.com)