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SixPackSean – Bachelor Episode 7 Recap

Posted in boys, life, love, television by

one of my most favorite tweeters ever.

Fantasy island week in St. Croix? Sean can be shirtless 24 hours a day? Never saw it coming! Winky face….This week settles who gets to take Sean on hometown dates. The claws are OUT. And Miss Eyebrow Tierra moving her little pullout bed into a different room because she’s “not friends with girls who like my boyfriend” is the perfect dramatic start to this episode.

Ashlee (OCD professional organizer and a too uptight for me) and Sean take a trip to a private island, but they must swim to the boat from shore: cue shirtless Sean and a close of up AshLee’s seriously micromanaged body! At dinner, AshLee (really?! That spelling!) spends ten minutes giving us an anxiety attack before her big secret reveal – she married when she was a junior in high school to rebel against her parents. She’s now 32, so I think it’s safe to say that was a dumb teenage mistake, and we don’t have to be upset about it. Then she yells “I love Sean” to the heavens. Now that I find to be a deal-breaker.

Back at the house, our favorite Tierr-orist gets her first one-on-one card with Sean, and complains about the possibility of bugs and her makeup sweating off…you can practically feel the tension reaching a boiling point with the other girls.

Is anyone else surprised she’s still here??

But then! The BEST BACHELOR GROUP DATE EVER!!!!

LOVE the no makeup in the morning date. You can learn a lot about a girl by how she reacts to that. And you can tell a lot about a guy by how they react to girls with no makeup. AND their date was SICK!

  1. Be the first people in America to see the sunrise.
  2. Have mimosas with your girlfriends and a hot guy while you watch it.
  3. Take a road trip!!!
  4. In a Jeep!
  5. Meet a freaking PONY named PIPPIN!
  6. Swing in a legit jungle tree house.

Ahhhh I love it.

One on One with Lesley - I’m surprised when Sean says that he wasn’t really feeling things for Lesley. I thought they got along well. But she is guarded and awkward and Sean is is all about the PDA. She’s a sassbox. I didn’t like her at the beginning, but she’s grown on me.

Tierra and AshLee Catfight – Fav Quotes

“Men love me!” – Tierra – um.

LOVE that his sister had to fly in and give him a little sit down. And that her piece of advice was “don’t pick the girl that the other girls don’t like.” Aaaaaaamen.

“My parents told me; “Tierra, you have a sparkle! Do not let those girls take your sparkle away. People have judged me because of my eyebrow. I can’t control my eyebrow! I can’t control my face!”"

“I have such a big heart but I’m so sensitive and I’m so scared. I’m gonna be honest with you because I always am…” – Tierra to Sean. As she sits “crying” (tearless cry…what is that about?!) about how “I hate being like this with you.” Which is weird, because she has spent every episode sobbing/hypothermic/falling up stairs/manipulating herself into a rose situation.

“I can’t believe they did this to me!” – Tierra, from the limo as it pulls away. Right. Because your own actions had *nothing* to do with it.

again...ben who!?

again…ben who!?

So we’re all breathing a little easier with Tierra gone. In order to keep the drama spicy, next week ABC producers apparently spike Des’ brother’s drink and he gets in a pissing contest with Sean.

Overall, I have to say I appreciate how Sean just takes the game into his own hands. Calling off cocktail parties, sending girls home whenever he wants, parading around shirtless at every possible moment…this guy is getting it done. The girls leave me embarrassed for women everywhere, but I love the clothes/hair/makeup and cringing at all the stupid, sappy, unreal things they say to Sean. I’m getting more and more excited for the After the Final Rose Ceremony! Will Tierra show? Will they hire extra security? Will her eyebrow finally be allowed to speak for itself?! Will her sparkle prove it’s existence?!

Stay tuned for next week’s hometown dates!

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SixPackSean – Episode Two Recap and Ep 3 Bingo Terms

Posted in being single, boys, life, love, television by

I'm not sure shower scenes are necessary, but....if we must!

I’m not sure shower scenes are necessary, but….if we must!

By the numbers:

  • Kiss Count – 5
  • Sean Shirtless Count – we don’t have numbers that high.
  • First hot tub party
  • First girl sending herself home (hey yoga girl, we’re all surprised.)
  • First acknowledgement of “The Bachelor’s” history of racial profiling.
  • First aquatic makeout.
  • First “Punk’d” on Bach.
  • First date at Sean’s house.
  • First favorite cheesy quote – “I’m vegan, but I love the beef.”
Image

why do we always think this is so hot?

You know, Sean is cute and all, even though I generally go for the unshaven, wildly intelligent, rotund type (I can’t wait for you to read this!), but I really thought he was a super boring piece of meat. However, this episode won him some puntos with me. I didn’t know that he had Punk’d Emily when she visited him, making her think that he lived with his parents. I thought it was hilarious that he set up a prank on poor Desiree (who I like). It was also adorable to watch him and Chris Harrison crack up in the director’s booth. I loved “Sven” crying, too. And she got to go back to his house, there was dinner, wine, hot tub, making out in the pool, yadda yadda. What is it about a pool that inspires lip lock so much on this show?

Image

Your arm situation is a little different? You had a traumatic experience trying to zipline? Here, let’s throw you off a building.

One arm girl (Sara?) had the first date…she’s super pretty and the producers seemed determined to exploit her differentness as much as they do Sean’s six pack. I would vote for more time for her if I wasn’t so annoyed by her voice and flat personality. But maybe she is being required to monologue ad nauseum as we start the season. Of course, she has to face a moment from her past. ABC loves those cliche first dates! “oh, we’re bungee jumping off a building?! Like when I wasn’t allowed to zipline because I have one arm?! I never saw this coming!”

"Oh no! I'm so scared, please don't make me-oh, alright." :)

“Oh no! I’m so scared, please don’t make me-oh, alright.” :)

The key to this is to tell producers during your casting interview that your greatest fear is puppies or rainbows. Then your date will be a helicopter ride to go rainbow chasing in Ireland with baby golden retrievers.

Regarding the race question – I thought it was super ballsy of the girl to ask. We’ve all noticed that 99% of the people on the show are white. This show had a lot more diversity, and it was cool that Sean said he’d dated black, Persian, white, etc., and it didn’t really matter to him. Kudos for Sean and for ABC for finally addressing it in some small way.

Girl I don’t like – Tierra. New drinking game – every time she raises her “crazy brow,” or says “I’m not here to make friends/I’m here for Sean.” She’s the Michelle Money/Courtney Robertson we love to hate. Can’t wait to see how it goes down!

I started to make a list of celebrity look a likes for this cast, but some googling revealed someone had already done it for me! Check it out here. Pretty funny.

Alright. Here be your Bingo Terms, mateys!

  • Free Space in the middle = “LOVE”
  • Tierra Crazy Eyebrow Slide2
  • SIX PACK SEAN – any time Sean has his shirt off
  • A date that faces a fear
  • “I have a surprise for you”
  • “amazing”
  • “I missed you“
  • Hot tub!
  • “not okay”
  • Sean references his faith in some way (God, Jesus, faith, etc.)
  • “falling for Sean/you”
  • “intense”
  • girls get in a cat fight
  • “I’m not here to make friends”
  • mentioning parents
  • crying
  • limo
  • helicopter
  • sunset with a Sean monologue
  • “BLEEP“
  • “steal you for a second”
  • “connection”
  • any kind of secret is revealed
  • “Pre-cerem-rose” – Sean hands out a rose before the ceremony
  • references to “normal stuff” type dating after the show, ie grocery shopping, sweatpants, staying in and watching movies, etc.
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Bachelorette Recap – Or, the season I stopped caring. (283)

Posted in being single, boys, life, love, television by

yeah, yeah, we get it, Barbie.

Emily is cute as a button, and I get why ABC bent over backwards to move the show to her hometown and try to capitalize on her adorable factor. (Personally, I think she looks like a baby bird muppet soaked in fake tan, but she’s cute enough.) However, this show is turning into such a snooze I can barely make myself care enough to blog about it.

And I don’t get it…this is a show with “25 of America‘s most eligible bachelors.” Eye candy for single ladies like myself. But within minutes of meeting them, it became crystal clear why some weren’t yet attached…Grandma Suit Guy, Egg Guy, Guy who Danced, Yelling Guy…and the dweeb in the helicopter. Those boys still have quite a bit of work to do before they are ready for public consumption. There were the standard hotties…and your sob stories (I LOVE brain damage guy, and the single dads are pretty cute), but I didn’t find anyone too compelling.

There are some key elements missing from this show that is making it fall down my list of priorities:

I kinda miss this….

1. Where is the drama? I need a villain! Kalon or Talon or Kayla or whatever his name is certainly has the trappings of villainy…any guy who says to a girl “I love when you talk but I wish you’d let me finish” should be taken outside and shot in the stomach. He flashes his money, he doesn’t get along with others, he’s a self-proclaimed luxury gentleman or something ridiculous like that…but I don’t love to hate him the way I did with Courtney. Mostly I want to kick him.

let’s see these guys facing fears and crying about it on TV!

2. Where is the hot tub? I don’t watch this show for it’s morals or good examples – show me people making bad decisions! I want women wearing expensive jewelry in tiny bikinis sipping champagne in a hot tub and making out with a hot guy they just met! (insert all my Christian friends cringing, and secretly agreeing) I want a splash fight leading to a make out session. I want people spying from the living room.

3. Where are the Crazy Dates? – Yeah, I get that if Mr. Right is in fact on the show and proposes to Emily, there are carpools and cookies and Muppet Shows in his future…but I watch this show so I can see guys pee their pants while facing their shark fear in a diving cage on a first date. I want to see people shaking with fear, eating bugs, cursing each other in impossible challenges to win a date with Emily. Dollywood? Really? It was funny to see Emily throw a mini hissy fit over a roller coaster…but we need to put our big girl pants on and do some crazy dates.

egg guy…..sigh.

4. Where is Chris Harrison? He’s just so freaking cute. More of him would help keep my attention.

5. Bingo Ability - If you’ve read my Bach posts before, I LOVE playing bingo and various drinking games while watching this trash TV. I always have a gaggle of girls at my house on Monday nights, we make our boards and play for pride points. But this season in particular, I am unable to come up with 25 terms to use on our game board. I think it’s because guys don’t talk! There is no predictability to their speech on the show…they just take off their shirts and then ruin it by drinking white wine.

6. Relatability - One of my personal bachelors “watched” an episode with me and my girlfriends (playing games on his phone the whole time and snickering at us), and we got into quite the conversation about why intelligent women enjoy this show so much. A few days later, I think I’m able to say with more confidence that I like when it’s 25 girls competing for one guy more, because i  can see 25 different versions of myself in them. Getting ready, judging other girls, being excited about “him,” wondering about our date, saying something stupid, hoping he’ll kiss me, making bad decisions, wishing I hadn’t worn my hair that way, thinking I was being funny when I wasn’t… it’s kinda fun to watch that with your girlfriends and share your own dating horror stories, and thank God you were never filmed while starting a relationship.

With Emily’s season…I can’t relate to the guys, who mostly grunt and ogle Emily…and I can’t even relate to Emily. She’s got a 6 year old, wants to get married and make more babies, is super polite and I think takes four hours to get ready. The guys I hang out with are lucky if I have my face washed and teeth brushed on the weekends. Makeup, hair, accent, Muppets, AND a ball gown? That’s just not happening with this girl.

ello, ello!

My front runners are Arie, Sean, and Ryan (I think that’s hottie’s name). But honestly, I was so bored last episode that my girlfriends and I started talking during a commercial and didn’t notice the show was back on for like five minutes…so we’ll see if I can stay interested.

Your thoughts?

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236: Bachelor Ben Flajnik – Episode Five Bingo

Posted in being single, boys, love, television by

Here are your words for tonight! Make sure you put “TRUE LOVE” in the middle as your “free space.”

  • “I missed you”
  • “Absolutely!”
  • “connection”
  • “I’m glad you’re here/I’m here”
  • “Amazing”
  • “Shut UP!”
  • “no way”
  • “Not okay”
  • “There’s a rose tonight/I want this rose”
  • “It’s haaard….”
  • Kacie B. breakdown about having to share Ben
  • Courtney smirks in camera monologue – “winning!”
  • Activity involving heights
  • Girl jumps and hugs Ben
  • Who’s THAT?! – Seeing a girl you swear hasn’t been on the show this whole time
  • Hot tub/pool scene
  • shorts with boots
  • crying
  • BLEEP
  • “falling for Ben”
  • “intense”
  • mentioning past relationships
  • mentioning parents
  • “I love this”

 

Stay tuned for my post-episode recap of the madness! Tonight is the skinny dipping night….gross!

 

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