Tag Archives: Emily

Bachelorette Recap – Or, the season I stopped caring. (283)

Posted in being single, boys, life, love, television by

yeah, yeah, we get it, Barbie.

Emily is cute as a button, and I get why ABC bent over backwards to move the show to her hometown and try to capitalize on her adorable factor. (Personally, I think she looks like a baby bird muppet soaked in fake tan, but she’s cute enough.) However, this show is turning into such a snooze I can barely make myself care enough to blog about it.

And I don’t get it…this is a show with “25 of America‘s most eligible bachelors.” Eye candy for single ladies like myself. But within minutes of meeting them, it became crystal clear why some weren’t yet attached…Grandma Suit Guy, Egg Guy, Guy who Danced, Yelling Guy…and the dweeb in the helicopter. Those boys still have quite a bit of work to do before they are ready for public consumption. There were the standard hotties…and your sob stories (I LOVE brain damage guy, and the single dads are pretty cute), but I didn’t find anyone too compelling.

There are some key elements missing from this show that is making it fall down my list of priorities:

I kinda miss this….

1. Where is the drama? I need a villain! Kalon or Talon or Kayla or whatever his name is certainly has the trappings of villainy…any guy who says to a girl “I love when you talk but I wish you’d let me finish” should be taken outside and shot in the stomach. He flashes his money, he doesn’t get along with others, he’s a self-proclaimed luxury gentleman or something ridiculous like that…but I don’t love to hate him the way I did with Courtney. Mostly I want to kick him.

let’s see these guys facing fears and crying about it on TV!

2. Where is the hot tub? I don’t watch this show for it’s morals or good examples – show me people making bad decisions! I want women wearing expensive jewelry in tiny bikinis sipping champagne in a hot tub and making out with a hot guy they just met! (insert all my Christian friends cringing, and secretly agreeing) I want a splash fight leading to a make out session. I want people spying from the living room.

3. Where are the Crazy Dates? – Yeah, I get that if Mr. Right is in fact on the show and proposes to Emily, there are carpools and cookies and Muppet Shows in his future…but I watch this show so I can see guys pee their pants while facing their shark fear in a diving cage on a first date. I want to see people shaking with fear, eating bugs, cursing each other in impossible challenges to win a date with Emily. Dollywood? Really? It was funny to see Emily throw a mini hissy fit over a roller coaster…but we need to put our big girl pants on and do some crazy dates.

egg guy…..sigh.

4. Where is Chris Harrison? He’s just so freaking cute. More of him would help keep my attention.

5. Bingo Ability - If you’ve read my Bach posts before, I LOVE playing bingo and various drinking games while watching this trash TV. I always have a gaggle of girls at my house on Monday nights, we make our boards and play for pride points. But this season in particular, I am unable to come up with 25 terms to use on our game board. I think it’s because guys don’t talk! There is no predictability to their speech on the show…they just take off their shirts and then ruin it by drinking white wine.

6. Relatability - One of my personal bachelors “watched” an episode with me and my girlfriends (playing games on his phone the whole time and snickering at us), and we got into quite the conversation about why intelligent women enjoy this show so much. A few days later, I think I’m able to say with more confidence that I like when it’s 25 girls competing for one guy more, because i  can see 25 different versions of myself in them. Getting ready, judging other girls, being excited about “him,” wondering about our date, saying something stupid, hoping he’ll kiss me, making bad decisions, wishing I hadn’t worn my hair that way, thinking I was being funny when I wasn’t… it’s kinda fun to watch that with your girlfriends and share your own dating horror stories, and thank God you were never filmed while starting a relationship.

With Emily’s season…I can’t relate to the guys, who mostly grunt and ogle Emily…and I can’t even relate to Emily. She’s got a 6 year old, wants to get married and make more babies, is super polite and I think takes four hours to get ready. The guys I hang out with are lucky if I have my face washed and teeth brushed on the weekends. Makeup, hair, accent, Muppets, AND a ball gown? That’s just not happening with this girl.

ello, ello!

My front runners are Arie, Sean, and Ryan (I think that’s hottie’s name). But honestly, I was so bored last episode that my girlfriends and I started talking during a commercial and didn’t notice the show was back on for like five minutes…so we’ll see if I can stay interested.

Your thoughts?

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The Bachelorette – Emily – Episode One!! (280)

Posted in being single, boys, love, television by

they’re baaaack!!!!

First – Chris Harrison – I missed you, baby! So cute. Come help me find “true love.” Hang out in my living room with drinks and ask me questions about my feelings.

I can’t really decide if I like “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” seasons better. Obviously the eye candy is more prevalent when it’s 25 guys…but then I miss commenting on the hair, makeup, and dress choices of the women. Women are a lot more catty and backstabbing, the guys always turn into a little brotherhood and provide such great insight into the mind of a man. It’s a toss up.

Emily Maynard - Real life Southern Barbie. She’s 26. Been engaged twice. She’s putting on her “big girl panties” and becoming the Bachelorette so that 25 men can claw their way into her life. She wants a father figure for her daughter who is cute as a button, and her daughter was important enough that she persuaded the producers to film the first few weeks in her hometown, so she didn’t have to leave Ricky. Who I keep wanting to call “Ricky Bobby.” Curse you, Talledega Nights!

Here are my abbreve’d thoughts on tonight’s episode…

Pre-intro Bios

  • Kalon- Self-proclaimed modern Southern gentleman. He’s easy enough on the eyes, but later, he enters on a helicopter? Oh h to the no. Guys are gonna hate him. Is he this season’s Courtney?

    this guy!

  • Ryan – EASY on the eyes. Former pro-athlete and works with kids? Has a dog?! Sign. Me. UP.
  • Tony – Oregon lumberjack. Single dad. Super cute. Did the “what has two thumbs” joke…so…I like him.
  • David – NYC singer/songwriter. Hello, Wes. I’ve seen this before. Wailing Emily’s name over some minor chords is not really attractive.
  • Charlie – Accident guy. Brain injury?! Yikes. What a story! Cute lil dog. Always points for a dog.
  • Arie – Race car driver…might be too close to Emily’s first husband, who was on his way to a race and died in an airplane crash.

an egg? really?

Limo introductions

  • The boys were clearly nervous as all get-up meeting Emily…she’s so cute and tiny. Did anyone else notice that between her interview with Chris and when they did the limo intros that someone had fixed her hair and put a ton more eye make up on her?
  • Travis “Eggman” - “throughout this journey, I will take care of this egg like I would take care of you and Ricky.” Um, is this Home Ec? Are we doing some reverse psychology birth control or something? WEIRD.
  • Single dads dropping the kids reference so they have a talking point. Smart.
  • Jackson – you will now be known as CHEESY QUOTE GUY. He gets down on one knee and tries to spit game with that “life isn’t about breathing in moments” or whatever quote? Junior high girls say quotes like that. Grown men shouldn’t.
  • Joe – Field Energy Advisor – now known as the YELLER and the one who danced a jig.
  • Token Christian guy – praying to God Emily loves him. Cute. A little too strong, but cute.
  • Token foreign guy who speaks another language – two this time!
  • Token black guy, Lerone. I thought he was yummy.

    i like the long hair :)

  • Token weird entrance guy – Jef with one F. On a skateboard. This is the one who said “I like to be underestimated, I’m a CEO of my own charity water bottle company, I think i’m awesome with this weird hair, etc. etc.”
  • Boombbox Dance Guy – Stevie. Nope.
  • Tony, aka Glass Slipper Guy – Nope. Fairy tales are cute coming from girls….not from guys.
  • Grandma Guy – Randy. Um. That was weird. I appreciate the throw-back to last season, when Brittany’s grandma came on to convince Ben to let her granddaughter stay, but….that was too much.
  • John “Wolf” – you are haaaandsome. And do you know how I feel about nicknames? Really good. REALLY good.
  • Long hair guy…Music Mike from Austin – you are a whole pile of yum. LOVED the guitar pick touch, obvy.
  • Ryan – we already met him in the pre-intro bios, and I have good feelings about him. Pink tie is great. His note was cute. SO cute. She liked him, too. Money is on him.

Cocktail Party

  • BOBBLE HEADS?! That’s a first. Maybe he’s a baseball fan? Hm. Good thing she’s used to playing with Barbies.
  • Race car driver guy came clean at this time. That was good of him to come clean the first night, when it could have really been a deal breaker for him.
  • First Impression Rose – Doug the Single Dad – his letter from his son sealed the deal. Cute.

Will I like you, or will I be annoyed?

Emily became less annoying to me as the show went on. She showed a little bit of a funny side, commenting on how hot the guys were, how nervous she was, and just got a little more real. So hopefully I won’t be totally annoyed with her uber-cuteness this season. The guys are already being pretty competitive and trash-talking each other, which is predictable but fun to watch.

Preview of the season
These always make each season look so promising! Despite her daughter’s involvement in the show, it looks like our sweet Emily will be making out in many different locations around Europe. I look forward to her clothes, her cute kid, and watching men be adorable.
I’m betting on the Ryan guy and the Arie guy. Next week, let’s make more official bets! I will definitely have a Bachelorette Bingo card ready for the next episode. Tonight I was thrown off by a delicious stop at a frozen yogurt place. You know how that goes.
Viva la romance!
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