Sunglasses Always Fit

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100 – This most sacred post, I dedicate to thee, Brian Wilson. You have earned it.

If you’ve read anything I’ve written ever or have ever spent more than five minutes talking to me, you know that I have a bit of a crush on Giants phenom closer, Brian Wilson. I joined twitter for him, I wrote poems for him, I wear underwear with him in mind (see photo below).

Some might call this obsession. I call it a lifestyle. And the influence of all the junior high hormone-crazy students I’m surrounded with every day rubbing off on me. All my girls can think or talk about is boys, and for the last year or so, I have been downward spiraling right along with them. Their drug of choice is Justin Bieber (which I am, sadly, also falling victim to.) My drug of choice is the entire Giants lineup, but my heroin is B Wils and his full on crazy.

I don’t care how out of control that beard gets, I want to touch it. I don’t care how insane he looks when he runs onto the mound, how many times he fist pumps, or uses the word “fact,” or how ridiculous his lines are in Sportscenter commercials. I think that we are destiny.

And, in a very real way, he has made this blogging adventure o’ mine a huge success. So besides the twenty or so entries I have already written about the man, the myth, the legend, baby, if you’re reading, this one’s for you.

On January 1st of 2011, I decided to start a 1/1/11 one a day blogging challenge with a bevy of other bloggers here on After a solid 80 something day run, I ran out of steam. School had picked up, baseball season had started, I kinda got tired of writing things. I felt like I had nothing left to say. So I dropped out of the official postaday marathon, but have kept plugging along as best I can, and have now shifted my goal to write a “mere” 300 blogs this year.

One of the cool things about this website that hosts the blog is that it keeps stats for you. Don’t worry, all  stalkers out there in cyberworld, it doesn’t say anything like “On Feb 11th, Robert Smith in Martinez, CA read your post about Disneyland while eating peanut butter and wearing Spongebob boxers.” It just keeps track of numbers, like how many viewers I’ve had total (9,000 something!) and what entries are most popular. The one statistic I find most fascinating is called “incoming searches.” This tells me how many people arrived on my blog via Facebook, or my twitter or Yelp, or the good ol’ Google. Ah, the tangled web that is Google.

I’ve seen all kinds of weird things pop up as google searches that directed people to my blog somehow. (example: “latina women love to wear pantyhose”….what the what?!?!) That will be a whole future post. But my boyfriend, Brian, with his whole can of awesome, has directed over 800 readers to my site based on random things they’ve googled about him! That’s like huge. Thanks, B!

For example, people google search for things like “what does Brian Wilson’s chest tattoo say?” Which, is in Latin, and i am a Latin teacher, and it says “In the name of the Father,” for his dad who passed away from cancer when he was young. Or “What are Brian Wilson’s catchphrases?” Which I would answer things like “Awesome.” “Fact.” “Delicious.” “Rage.” and “I love Rachel.” Or “how do I hang out with Brian Wilson?” Which, obviously, if I knew, we’d be so busy being married and babymaking that I wouldn’t have time to blog about that precious information. :) I hope my dad and my boss don’t read these.

Anyway, Brian, I think you and I are super MFEO. When the camera pans over to you warming up, I get like ten text messages from people saying things like “your boyfriend is going in the game!” And lots of them are from solid Christian peeps, so they have good intuition about these things, and a direct line to the Big Guy. This is a good sign for our future. When I’m at games and you pitch, I get goosebumps. I’ve watched every video, googled every picture, and already invited all my students to our future wedding at the ballpark.

I’m saving myself for you. I am totally off the market, just waiting for you to meet and fall in love with me back. Until then, I would be totally happy with just like a tweet one day. (@rachelweight9! do it!) And thank you for making the internet refer people to my blog, maybe they read it and will buy my book one day. Thank you for making this tiny insignificant blog the sudden authority on all things Brian Wilson. You were worth every keystroke, every edit, every late night image search for you in a beanie (thats my fav).

For those of you who were innocently searching for some Wilson facts, and instead stumbled upon my estrogen-fueled, fresh off an awesome Giants’ win, verbal diarrhea, I will at least leave you with some essentials that I haven’t already mentioned:

His tattoos include but are not limited to: a dragon on his left shoulder for his dad, and the one on his chest says “In nomine patris, ” which is “In the name of the father,” in Latin. The one you see the most is the Celtic cross with lettering on his right wrist that he got while on a trip to Ireland with his buddy Dallas Braden. They wrecked a car on that trip and backpacked all around. Brian is of Irish descent, so the trip meant a lot to him. He also did a Southeast Asia trip with Braden after the World Series, which he mentioned on the George Lopez show, dressed in a captain ahab outfit of mayhem.

The Machine: First appeared on the Cheap Seats, then on Jim Rome, and is Brian’s “neighbor.” It was rumored to be Pat Burrell, but later appearances don’t really have Pat’s physique (which is hoooot). He will not be allowed over when Brian and I are together. Unless it really is Pat Burrell. ay ay!

Birthday: March 16th, 1982

Born: Mass, but raised in New Hampshire

Lives in: San Francisco, probably Marina district, also rumored to have a home in LA. Has lived with Zito and Braden.

Pets: a dog named “Dubs”

Future Wife: Rachel Danger W.

Awesome video, which, when I saw it, I knew we were destiny, because I love that Keenan kid and have seen all his vids. Brian has such a good heart. :)

14 comments on “100 – This most sacred post, I dedicate to thee, Brian Wilson. You have earned it.

  1. Jasmyne Parker
    May 8, 2011

    This is AWSOME. A woman after my own heart. We should make shirts for BW (that say something like..umm…Hey…you…you’re hot….wanna make-out?). He NEEDS to marry us. I would share that beard (which btw, every strand on that God-fearing face dazzles me) with someone that would love him like he’s never been loved before……ie…you…… one else. I’m stayin’ updated here now…I checked the box…..LOVE it.



  2. Jasmyne Parker
    May 8, 2011

    Awesome……..Durrr. Damned Spell check…….


  3. racheldangerw
    May 8, 2011

    Haha I’m glad someone else has the depth of understanding that you do. :)


  4. Pingback: 127 – Beard of Brian Wilson – Always Epic | danger.danger.danger.

  5. Gianna
    August 15, 2011

    ( im not lying) my bedroom is FILLED with brian wilson posters, pictures and magazines. And my wardrobe is filled with Brian wilson t-shirts and other clothing.


  6. Pingback: 151 – FreakyFriday – How the Google machine finds my blog… | danger.danger.danger.

  7. Cynthia O.
    November 9, 2011

    Its funny ’cause I actually did come across your blog looking for what his chest tattoo said. Haha!!

    I was looking because, I too have developed an obsession with him… An unhealthy obsession. Nowhere near yours, mind you, but still unhealthy Haha! I was a fan of the Giants WAY before the WS and I’ve always thought Brian (that’s right, we’re on a first name basis now) was HOT. The reason my love for him has grown is because of an out of left field (see what I did there) dream I had about him. I won’t get into details but….yeah. It was a damn good dream. Haha!! If life were like my dream I’d be the happiest woman in the world. ;)

    Anyways, good luck with your pursuit of Brian. I truly enjoyed your blog. And even though I dream and have inappropriate thoughts about him, I hope you’ll invite me to your wedding, future Mrs. Wilson. ;)


  8. racheldangerw
    November 12, 2011

    Cynthia – obviously everyone is invited to our wedding; we can fit at least 50,000 into AT&T park! :) Thanks for stopping by!!


    April 29, 2013

    How do you win your ex’s heart again?


    • racheldangerw
      May 3, 2013

      Depends on the context of losing your relationship….what are the details?


  10. Pingback: The One About Brian Wilson Breaking My Heart. | Sunglasses Always Fit

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