Mask reveal? Anticlimatic…aaaaaand yeah, you adopted a three-legged dog, but you’re creepy and old. Bentley is gone! Haaaaalleluyah! William – what were you thinking?! Flashmob date = awesome slash wow that guy is intense. There is so much to say about this trainwreck of an episode…I laughed, I cried, I was shocked, embarrassed. What great trash tv! Viewing totally requires girlfriends, cocktails, and chocolate. Guys out there – this show provides such great insight into a girl’s psyche. Although I feel that Ashley is a little weepy and sensitive, and definitely does not have her d-bag radar on yet (seriously, you thought your husband left the room when Bentley made his exit?! Oh girl…) Ah. Where to start?!

Let’s start with the Roast. Whoa. terrible idea. Does Ashley have any control over the dates and decisions made? If so, props to her for going through with it. That is a really hard thing to have to endure. I can only imagine the things that would be said to me! Poor thing. I thought it was hilarious that everyone commented on her tiny boobs…I guess this is because they have only spent about fifteen minutes individually with her, and only have their physical reactions to go off of. Mask guy was terrible. No one was really that funny. Oh well.

William. William!! I’ve been such a fan!!! It was really disappointing to see you take the roast too far…it doesn’t matter that you want to be a stand-up comedian, or if that’s what a true “roast” is, don’t call on a girl’s worst insecurities. He’s supposed to be the funny guy of the house, but when he heard the other guys playing it safer, he should have changed his material. And then his reaction afterwards was terrible. Total guy move. “oh, you’re upset, I don’t know how to deal with it, so I’ll just run away!” What Ashley said was so true: “I just want him to comfort me.” Guys: girls will forgive you SO much…just hold us and promise to make it up to us and never do it again.

Bentley…your jerkness deserves an entire post. Or actually, it deserves nothing at all. What stands out to me most is how terrifyingly believable he was to Ashley and would have been to all of us watching if he wasn’t making comments to the cameras about how he was playing Ashley for a fool. Hoping your hair looked good as you spun your web of lies to Ashley about why you were leaving? Then thinking about a last minute hook up? You are sick. I feel sad for her that she was so deceived by someone who is clearly a waste of space. He wasn’t even that cute. He looked like a frat boy who would be posted by the keg all night making degrading comments to his buddies about every girl who walked by. I’m so glad you are gone. And I can’t WAIT for the “After the Rose Ceremony” when America gets to confront his tomfoolery. Reading some articles about how his business is now failing because of his behavior on the show is slightly comforting. :)

JP – loved that your date with Ashley turned totally adorable…girls love to be able to get in sweats and glasses and lounge with you. Nothing like a fireside cuddle. I think that’s when realness comes out. True relationships have way more nights that look like that than simulating all the stages of marriage in Vegas (I would have been just as terrified as William!) or a comedy roast or a flashmob. JP is adorable and I’m totally rooting for you.

Chris Harrison – how I love thee!! Totally dug how he comforted Ashley and cut through Bentley’s b.s. with his “dot dot dot” line and gave Ashley the Wild at Heart slash “He’s just not that into you” insight that if a guy wants you, he WILL pursue you and “fight like hell” to get to you. He will let you know. He won’t leave you hanging in suspense. I really appreciated how Chris gave her the cocktail party option. Too bad you are married friend. but your wife is one lucky lady!!!

bye bye to Mask guy, Bentley, Chris.

Credits roll...and the highlight of the episode is definitely Bentley doing his hair (ps guys…if it takes you longer to do your hair than I spend on mine…buh-bye now. Buh-bye) while mask guy, still in mask, reads the ads in the papers and goes number dos. Hilarious. Probably the funniest moment in Bach history. Thank you, ABC.

Until next time…

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