you...complete me.
you…complete me.

It is time for one of my favorite kind of blog posts – a round up of the search terms people insert into the world wide webs that somehow lead them to my humble blog! In fairness, I will now look at my search history and reveal the last five things I searched for via the internet:

  • “where does the phrase ‘how come’ come from?”
  • “guilty puppy videos”
  • “Savage Garden lyrics – I knew I loved you before I met you”
  • “cheap parking in san francisco”
  • “salad tupperware with a fork”

I have somewhat boring and limited interests. But there were also several word definitions I looked up on dictionary.com (because a smart friend called me ‘incorrigible’ and I wasn’t sure what it meant) and then there were some words I looked up on urbandictionary.com, because twitter is a dark and scary place where I learn lots of things I wish I hadn’t.

Now we look at the stats from my wee corner of the internet and see what people google, and decide if it tells me something about my writing.

Here are the most popular search terms:

  • how do girls work – I was kind of running a series on this. It is nice to think that boys want to know how the female operates and are willing to do a little bit of research. Maybe I should write about our secrets more regularly.
  • “girls pooping” – Okay. I mean, as much as my friend Keith likes to deny it, girls do poop. My best friends and I talk about it on the regular. I’m just not sure I’ve ever discussed it on this blog.
  • "hi brian um yeah i like you tee hee here's a picture from our future."
    “hi brian um yeah i like you tee hee here’s a picture from our future.”

    “brian wilson baseball” – Obviously my life is a long journey that will end up in his arms. A large part of this blog is dedicated to him. I LOVE YOU SO HARD BRIAN.

  • “hot disney princesses” – If you need a Top 10 of the hottest Disney characters, look no further! I break it down in detail. Several times.
  • “how to get girlfriend in a few days” – Again, I should apparently continue this series.
  • “moonshiners” – Well, these are my ancestors. So.

Alright, and now the totally weird things that lead people to my blog:

  • a list of miniature animals” – okay. Maybe not so weird. I mean, I did make a list.
  • “smiling horses” – I am actually really afraid of horses. If they’re smiling at me, they’re probably plotting evil.
  • “do pirates like musicals?” – I only know that I like musicals and I like pirates, so…maybe? I do know a lot of other things about pirates.
  • “i use antlers in all of my decorating” – This is a quote from Gaston, of Beauty and the Beast. But I don’t know why you searched for that and stumbled upon this mess.
  • “self-deprecating birthday jokes” – Aw. Well. I have a weird relationship with my birthday. Pretty much since turning 25, I try to be out of the county or busy on my birthday. Because I really, really, really hate getting older and feeling like I have less and less of an idea of what my life is supposed to be about. And as much as I try to just get through it, birthdays bring out really weird emotions for me.
  • “do teachers live at school?” – Yes. Yes, we do. We eat in the cafeteria, shower in the locker room, and our entire existence depends on you returning to school every morning.
  • “women with knuckle hair” – I don’t know who googled this, but I’m a little offended you found me.
  • yup
    yup

    “hot girls in onesie with a buttflap” – This is a little better. I’m flattered and I love a good onesie.

 

I also really like how people search for things like “allergic reactions,” “shirtless David Duchovny,” and “running late for work” and that leads them to my corner of the inter web. Because that will probably be written on my tombstone.

You’re weird, Google. But I like you.

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