yar de har har. This be the best collection o’ pirate jokes, original or no. I scoured the raging internets to find these for ye. Respect them well.

A stereotypical caricature of a pirate.

 

What size clothing does a pirate wear?

Larrrrrge

What’s a pirate’s favorite continent?

Antarrrrtica

What’s a pirate do after he eats beans?

Farrrrts

What’s a pirate’s favorite activity at the park?

Monkey barrrrrs

When he’s in the Bay Area, how does a pirate commute to work?

on BAAAARRRRRT

What does a pirate like to roast over the campfire?

Marrrrrshmallows

Why didn’t the pirate do his homework?

It was too harrrrrd.

What do pirates do on Saturday mornings?

Watch carrrrrtoons

Where does a pirate get fresh fruit?

The fARmers mARket

What’s a pirate’s favorite sea-dwelling creature?

A sharrrrrrk

What’s the pirate’s favorite Olympic sport to watch?

Parallel barrrrrs

Why did the young pirate get such good grades in school?

Because he was smarrrrt and tried harrrrrd.

What’s a pirate’s favorite gymnastic activity?

Turning carrrrtwheels.

What’s a pirate’s favorite crime?

Arrrrson. OR Larrrceny.

Who was the pirate’s favorite President?

Jimmy Carrrrter

What does the patriotic pirate do on the Fourth of July?

Barrrrrrbeque.

What doesn’t a pirate like to do?

Things that are harrrrd.

What’s a pirate always grill with?

Chaaaarcoal

Who’s the pirate’s favorite person at the restaurant?

The barrrrtender.

Where does a pirate in middle America shop for everything?

Walmarrrrrrt.

Who’s the pirate’s favorite cartoon cat?

Garrrrfield

Whats a pirate’s favorite state?

Arrrrkansas

What’s a pirate favorite happy hour drink?

MARgarita

What’s a pirate’s favorite wine?

CHARdonnay

What’s a pirate’s favorite Catholic position of authority?

Carrrrdinals

What’s a pirate’s favorite month of the year?

Marrrrch

Why couldn’t the young pirate get into the movies?

It was rated RRRRRR

What’s a pirate’s favorite music genre?

RRRR and B

Where do female pirates spend all their money?

Tarrrrrget.

What’s a pirate kid’s favorite game?

Marrrrrrbles.

What’s a pirate favorite instrument?

The guitarrrrr.

Where do pirates grow their food?

The farrrm.

Where do pirates keep their cows?

The barrrrrrn.

What’s a pirate’s favorite bible story?

Noah and the Arrrrrrrk.

What’s a pirate’s favorite band?

The Arrrrtic Monkeys.

Why was the pirate upset about upgrading to an iPhone5?

He had to buy a new charrrrger.

What’s a pirate’s favorite movie trilogy?

Starrrr Warrrrrs.

What’s a pirate’s favorite body part?

Your arrrrrms. Or your hearrrrrrt.

Pirate’s fav Fruit?

ORANGE

Pirate’s fav card game?

HEARTS!

What does he drive?

a carrrrr

Favorite element?

Arrrrrrgon or GOLD

Favorite planet?

MARRRRRS

Favorite state capitol?

CARson City

Favorite Disney character?

JaFARRRR or Scarrrrr

Where does he drink?

A BAR

Favorite vegetable?

ARTichoke

Favortite subject in school?

ART! And navigation. Duh.

Favorite motorcycle?

HARRRRRLEY

Where would you find a fossilized pirate?

In TAR

How does a pirate like his knives?

SHARRRRRP

Whats a pirates favorite fast food?

ARRRRRBYS

What does a pirate do when he gets sick?

BARRRRRF

Whats a pirates favorite charity?

A.RRRRR.F.

How does a pirate laugh via text message?

HArharhar

What’s a pirate’s favorite café?

STARbucks

What’s a pirate’s favorite Olympic sport?

Arrrrrrchery

Where does a pirate take his family on Sunday afternoons?

The PARK

What’s a pirate’s favorite baseball team?

MARlins

Where does a pirate play laser tag?

qZAR

What’s a pirate’s favorite football team?

CHARRRRRgers

What’s a pirate’s favorite radio station?

KNBRRRRR

What kind of guns do pirate cops like to use?

Radarrrrrr!

Favorite candy?

CARRRRRamel

Favorite food group?

STARRRRRCH

Favorite celestial being?

STARRRRRS

PIrates always like to sing in?

HARRRRmony

Favorite song?

STAR spangled banner

What’s a pirate always score in golf?

PAR

Why didn’t he cross the street?

It was too FAR

Why won’t he go to China?

Because he’s afraid of SARRRRRS

What’s a pirate’s favorite animal?

Arrrrrmadillo or aarrrrrdvark

Whats a pirate’s favorite tool?

A WRRRRRENCH

What are they afraid of?

The DARRRRRK

Worst bodily function?

A FARRRRT

Favorite branch of the military?

ARMY or the MARines

And here’s the home run:

Whats a pirates favorite letter?

The c (sea)

Har har! Any that I missed, me maties? Please add your own!